Of snow
by planet p
Summary: Ace’s thoughts on life, love, the Doctor, and other things.


**Of snow** by planet p

**Disclaimer** I don't own _Doctor Who_ or any of its characters, nor do I own the lyrics to the songs featured in this work of fan fiction.

**Author's Notes** This fan fic was written in 2006.

* * *

_Starry starry night_

_Portraits hung in empty walls_

_Frameless heads on nameless walls_

_With eyes that watch the world and can't forget_

_Like the strangers that you've met_

_The ragged men in ragged clothes_

_The silver thorn of bloody rose_

_Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow_

_Now I think I know_

_What you tried to say to me_

_How you suffered for your sanity_

_How you tried to set them free_

_They did not listen; they're not listening still_

_Perhaps they never will_

Extract from "Vincent (Starry Starry Night)"

D. Mclean

* * *

Ace sat on her bed in her room, her blankets lay disregarded, strewn across the floor ungraciously. She was thinking. This is the big stuff, she told herself, life, philosophy. Not so much the hows and whens, but the whys. Love? This thought strayed across her mind before she pushed it away cheaply. I'd sure love a strawberry milkshake right now. She stood and strolled across the room to the door, pulled it open, and swaggered out into the hall, pondering the best strawberry milkshake she had ever had. It's one you made yourself, of course, her mind told her cheekily, sniggering to herself. She rolled her eyes. Of course. That had to be it. How obvious! She shook her head, seriously in doubt of her sanity, at the sheer abundance of "nonsense" that was going through her head at the present moment.

The Doctor was in the book room, listening to some oldies music on a turntable. It sounded like turn of the century stuff. Ace smiled to herself. The Professor sure was odd. Short and odd and… She thought for a moment. An old proverb came to her. A wear-his-heart-on-his-sleeve kinda guy. Yes, that was the Doctor all right. She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. She often wondered that he was so incurably emotional, wondered how many times he would have to get his heart broken before he gave up. He couldn't seriously expect the universe to feel sorry for him and just decide to work the way he wanted it to. No, he was a disaster waiting to happen. Some days she really felt for him, admired that he believed in such far-fetched concepts as love. Other days she found it a bit pathetic, felt cheated that he could be so ignorant. She generally tended to avoid the topic, but she knew one of these days the Doctor would come up against a world that he could not save, a person he could not help, a wound he could not heal, a seam he could not mend – and she knew too that it would kill him. One day he would crash and burn and she would just have to stand and watch helplessly as the flames leapt higher and higher and he was lost forever. Strawberry milkshake, she told herself stubbornly. And chocolate muffins, her mind supplied duly. Gingerbread men and apple cakes. Smiling childishly, she set off for the kitchen in search of hidden treasure and jelly babies.

True, she thought to herself, you want to help, want to believe that you can help; but you know too, that the world is too set in its ways to see or care, just keeps trudging along on this old path, never caring if its going in the wrong direction or not. The world was wrong. This Ace knew. People were wrong, society was wrong, beliefs were wrong. It was nothing to do with wanting to push people into believing things they didn't want to, doing things they didn't really want to do, lying to themselves that it was all for the best. It wasn't for her to say. Besides, they already did that themselves. So wrong. It was more to do with the Doctor's favourite topic: the Universe. Love. There we are, we've come back to love again. A melody passed idly through her mind, words following after quite eerily. "I wondered where the love had gone, and then again…" If only there was a way to make the world see that love truly did make the world go round. Love, understanding, compassion, empathy. All those hard-to-grasp, said-but-never-really-understood concepts. The world, the universe, was just one big thing – like a clock, she thought – and everything and everyone were the pieces that the clock was made up of, that made the clock work, each tiny little piece invaluable. Well, that's how the world works. Everything and everyone, they need each other, like the food-webs and life-cycles she had been told about in science classes, like equal and opposite forces. She had reached the kitchen. Her train of thought was just short. If only… She rounded the corner and dashed over to the fridge, realizing for the first time just how hungry she was. For the second time that day, a song strayed lazily into her mind. "She wore an itsy-bitsy, tinsy-wincy yellow polka dot bikini, that she wore for the first time today…" She, seemingly unprovoked, burst into a fit of raucous laughter, and leant her head on the fridge door, attempting to catch her breath.

Sitting down at the bench with a tub of chocolate ice-cream, she came back to the Doctor and Love. She snorted into her shirt. That was why he'd never get the girl. He was too kind, too feeling, too understanding, too nice. Too easy to overlook as just a good friend. She wondered that she had nothing better to think of and her mind settled on explosives. Yes, that was something she could understand. That was something concrete she could sink her teeth into; physics, chemistry, science, art… She cut that thought off. Art, hah! Art led to emotion, emotion led to love, love led to hate, hate led to hurt-making. She snickered. She couldn't even obsess over her favourite topic anymore these days without always second guessing herself. Science. Her restless mind stumbled upon another loose stitch, another nit to pick. Science is based on observation. Then people try to explain, twist and bend until they can, it doesn't mean they're right. "Shut up!" she screamed, and held her hands over her ears, "SHUT UP!" Lilac wine, she thought suddenly, "when I think much more than I want to think, and do things I never should do, I drink much more than I want to drink, and it brings me back… to lilac wine." She picked up her tub of ice-cream, snatched another spoon from the cutlery drawer, and went to join the Doctor in the book room, listening to his seriously unfashionable music.


End file.
